Friday, September 26, 2008


Mukesh and Anil Ambani, sons of Dhirubhai Ambani are at war. Over the Empire, Reliance, that their father created from a scratch. And a lot more. They talk at each other through the media and haven’t talked to each other for a long time.

A couple of days back, however, someone mischievously mixed up their schedules so that they could come face to face and sort out all their messy problems as big men should. Did they? Here is how the imaginary conversation went after pleasantries had been exchanged.

Mukesh: Anil what is it that I hear about your having filed a Rs 10K crore defamation suit against me?

Anil: What else did you expect me to do? I was very disappointed when I read about your having referred to me as having been a lobbyist and spy of Reliance Industries.

Mukesh: But that’s true.

Anil: I am a BIG man. You should have called me at least the Managing Director responsible for paying BIG money to, and spying on, BIG people in the government.

Mukesh: But why on earth should I have told such a big lie?

Anil: That would have gone well with the BIG image of my group. But you’ve ruined it all. I have no choice but to set the record straight. Since real brother Amar Singh could not help me out in this matter, I had to go to court. After all it is a question of my BIG reputation.

Mukesh: What is this new BIG mantra that you have started reciting endlessly?

Anil: I am BIG.

Mukesh: C’mon, I have been seeing you since you were really small.

Anil: Bhai I have really grown since you saw me last. I am really BIG now.

Mukesh turns questioningly towards Tina(Anil’s wife)

Tina: No comments!

Mukesh: How could you have found a way to become BIG when I haven’t been able to do that despite having explored everywhere?

Nita(Mukesh’s wife): He must have hit upon a BIG secret while you were wasting all your time learning how not to say ‘like’ after every word.

Mukesh: Like which word?

Nita: See, with that new-found power Anil now wants to turn the whole of India on. Remember his macho ad ‘Power on toh India on’?(When power is turned on, so is India!)

Anil: Ho toh BIG ho!(If you have it, it has to be BIG!)

Nita: Size does matter.(sigh)

Tina: Don’t go by BIG ads, Nita. They always promise more that they deliver! (wink-wink)

Mukesh: It’s all gas. Trust me.

Nita: I know, I know. It stinks. But you still want more of that oily stuff.

Mukesh: Yes. I am going to meet 40% of India’s oil and gas requirements.

Anil: How heavily crude can you people get? If only you had learnt how to get BIG, bhai, we might still have been together.

Mukesh: Now you are talking. Why were you shouting ‘Think Bigger Think Better’ earlier and giving me a complex?

Anil: That was only a stop-gap slogan to let the whole world know that I am BIGGER than you. I actually wanted to become the BIGGEST.

Tina: Snigger

Mukesh: Stop it bhai, my BP is going up.

Anil: Relax bhai, I have realised that it takes a lot more than thinking to become BIGGER, forget BIGGEST.

Mukesh: Tell me more.

Anil: Even though on paper one might look biggest, there are always many bigger guys in the market who can bring you back in touch with reality in a jiffy. Look at how much I have shrunk. The power seems to have gone too!

Mukesh: I always knew it would happen to you one day. You should have listened to papa like I did and stuck to small basics.

Anil: But still I am BIG. Today I have BIG Adda, BIG TV, BIG Entertainment, BIG Cinema, BIG B...

Mukesh: Cut it Anil. We both have Ma. Despite the BIG ‘Deewar’ between us.

Anil: Shit!

Mukesh: Besides, I may not be BIG but deep I do dig.

Anil: Yes I know you can gas about that. But give me my share of gas. Without it I’m powerless!

Mukesh: I always knew that you are going to gas around that you are BIG and powerful, just to make me feel really small. That is why I am holding the gas back.

Nita: Don’t release it here, for God’s sake.

Anil: Is that also why you have humiliated me by making such small allegations against me?

Mukesh: You got it BIG man! Now go do what you want.

Anil: Mummyyyyy!

(To be continued....)

Readers may also read: Anil Ambani pays or returns Rs 5000 crores to shareholders?