Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Raj Thackeray is losing it. His efforts to carve out an identity as a Thackeray distinct from The Thackeray is forcing him to keep looking for new targets that Uncle hasn't thought of yet. Earlier, it was North Indians Vs Marathi Manoos. The terror attack on Mumbai on November 26, 2008, changed the dynamics of the situation completely and the real enemy was rediscovered.

For nearly two months Raj Thackeray pondered over the manner in which he and his Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) would launch a counter attack on Pakistan in a manner that Uncle had never done. Finally, he spotted a genuine Pakistani target right in Amchi Mumbai, a target that his macho manoos could take out sweetly, without any risk of retaliation by Pakistan.

The target? A sweet shop in Mulund. Was it where Ajmal Kasab and his gang of 10 had sweets before they launched the worst terror attack in India's history? Was it where arms and explosives used by them were kept? Or was it where terrorists involved in earlier terror attacks used to rendezvous?

It was actually worse. Or so thought Raj T. Right in the middle of Amchi Mumbai, this shop was flaunting its Pakistani connection openly. How can an Indian name his shop 'Karachi Sweets'? Karachi is where the terrorists came from. And Karachi is Pakistan's commercial capital. How can a patriotic Indian have anything to do with anything related to those Pakistani dogs? So what if the poor owner of the shop came from Karachi after Partition and there is even a 'halwa', available all over India, which bears the city's name?

So, a terror notice was sent to the shop owner, asking him to change the name of the shop. A helpful Mumbai police even suggested a new name to the hapless guy. Yes, "Mumbai Sweets" was the MNS-friendly name they came up with!

Earlier, MNS activists had forced the Oxford Bookstore at Churchgate to remove all books by Pakistani authors and driven out Pakistani stand-up comedian Shakeel Siddiqui from a set in Andheri. But this attack on a shop bearing the name of a Pakistani city was a brilliant masterstroke, something no one else could have thought of. Is there an easier way to obliterate something 'Pakistani', without loss of life or limb?

One does not know whether the MNS has a presence in Delhi, because there is a very popular restaurant there called 'Pindi', after Rawalpindi. Similarly, there are many other shops and establishments named after places in Pakistan by those who migrated to India in other parts of the country too. Are you going to target them too Raj? Why, there are a lot of people who still carry surnames of places in Pakistan, like Sial, for example, after Sialkote. Are you going to 'Indianise' them too?

Hold on. There is a real biggie coming. Raj Thakeray has just read the National Anthem and is fuming. There is Pakistan in it too! That cannot be tolerated at all. A terror note is currently being drafted asking all Indians to refrain from including the word 'Sindh' in the National Anthem while singing it or printing it!

And since the space vacated by 'Sindh' has to be filled up, Raj T has decided that it will be replaced by, you know it, Mumbai. Why not Delhi? Because Mumbai is the financial capital of India and pays 60% of the country's Income Tax, even after all the evasion by the underworld and the politicians. It even has world famous Slumdog Millionaires! Delhi is no more than a poor pretender, a nobody's city infested with corrupt babus.

Surely, Raj, there must be better ways of 'taking out' Pakistan and getting votes? Or are you going to ensure that your Mumbai does go to dogs thanks to what you and your macho MNS guerrillas are doing?
Readers may also read: From Tilak to the terror of 'T' company