AZHAR, SANJAY, CRIME AND POLITICS

Former Indian cricket captain Mohammad Azharuddin who is facing a life ban from cricket for his match fixing activities has joined the Congress party. Film star Sanjay Dutt, son of Congress MP Sunil Dutt, has, on the other hand, joined the Samajwadi Party, having failed to get into the Congress. Sanjay Dutt was earlier convicted of illegally possessing arms by the TADA court and has appealed against the conviction in the Supreme Court. While Azhar's entry into politics has been quietly accepted by almost everyone, Sanjay's foray has been greeted with loud protests, particularly in the blogosphere, because he is a "criminal".

Recently a dejected Sanjay ran into an elated Azhar in the house of a common friend. This is how their imaginary conversation went:

Sanjay: Azhar bhai, why is every one calling me a criminal? I did not harm anybody, did I?

Azhar: That is why you are being called one! How can anyone speak up for you?

Sanjay: I didn't get you bhai.

Azhar: Had you fired those weapons and killed someone, no one would have called you a criminal.

Sanjay: Why?

Azhar: You are a really simple fellow. See firstly, the human rights guys would have starting shouting about the violation of your human rights by the police and your innocence 'till proved guilty'.

Sanjay: Go on.

Azhar: Then, you would have got yourself one of those magicians who are officially known as lawyers to defend you. And he would easily proved that your life was in grave danger and that you had fired in legitimate self-defence and that the one who was killed was probably a terrorist! And that the weapon also belonged to him!

Sanjay: And instead of the murderer that I would have become by killing someone, I would have actually wound up becoming a hero with sympathies of the whole nation behind me!

Azhar: Now you are getting it, after so many years. See you have criminally failed to do anything really "criminal" for people to rally behind you and treat you with respect, even awe.

Sanjay: Is that why they treat me like a loser and call me "Sanju baba" condescendingly?

Azhar: What else do you expect them to do when you can do nothing better than panic and destroy arms that you had got only for your self-defence ?

Sanjay: I should have been tougher, man.

Azhar: Gandhigiri works only in films; in real life it is dadagiri that pays dividends.

Sanjay: Why is no one calling you a criminal? You made millions by cheating the whole country, fixing matches as captain of the Indian cricket team.

Azhar: That is exactly why. And that is also why I have been welcomed into politics with open arms!

Sanjay: You are confusing me. How can that be a qualification?

Azhar: Have I not conclusively proved that I am capable of getting what I want?

Sanjay: Yes. Whatever it takes. Where have I heard that line before?

Azhar: That was my original match fixing line. Now CNN-IBN uses it.

Sanjay: Wow!

Azhar: There was another one too, which you might have forgotten about.

Sanjay: Arrey yaar, I find it difficult to remember my own lines before the camera!

Azhar: It was: "There's nothing official about it"

Sanjay: About what?

Azhar: That was the other line for my match fixing activities. These Pepsi guys liked it so much that they used it in their ads for the World Cup when they lost the official sponsorship to Coke!

Sanjay: Still Azhar bhai, everyone knows you have cheated and made millions doing that. You are the real criminal, not me.

Azhar: We are not living in the times of Mahatma Gandhi, Sanju baba. I have the badge of honour that many politicians flaunt with great pride these days. Remember, people respect you for your creativity in generating money.

Sanjay: C'mon. I have made much, much more money than you.

Azhar: You haven't got the point yet? Every one gets paid legitimately for the job he is doing or the service he is rendering. There is nothing heroic about it, no matter how much you are paid.

Sanjay: Then?

Azhar: It is the "ooper ki kamai" (additional illegitimate income) that determines your real worth and respect.

Sanjay: My dad was highly respected. He did not have any illegitimate income.

Azhar: He belonged to another age. Do you think all these bright guys who are dying to join poorly paid government jobs are doing so for the salaries that they are going to get?

Sanjay: Is that why am I not getting the kind of respect I should be getting...the kind you are?

Azhar: Now you are beginning to get the hang of it.

Sanjay: And I was actually beginning to believe in Gandhigiri...

Azhar: Had you believed in and done something more practical, you would have been welcomed into the Gandhis' party like I have been and not left to suffer the likes of Amar Singh.

Sanjay: And no one would have called me a criminal too.

Azhar: Exactly.

Sanjay: I have really blown it like a fool. And now I can only repent.

Azhar: Not necessarily.

Sanjay: What do you mean?

Azhar: Well, if you really want to get things "fixed", you don't have to go very far...
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